some days

i dont' know how to feel some days... i wake up with the sense that the day has already been wasted and that there is no purpose for me to be here. what is the purpose for us to be here. is there some all divine being watching out for us? i don't know if i can believe in that. there are too many good people in this world suffering horrible atrocities every day for me to believe in a loving god. and there is not enough divine retribution and justice for me to belive in a just god. right now i don't know what i believe in. i tried to be wiccan for a while but i think that i have adjusted the belief system a little bit. i do believe in good and evil, and i do believe that a balance exists, but i don't think that good or evil can be coalesced into any single entity; god, goddess, anything. i don't think that there can be any personality behind the forces of good and evil. it just makes the world too arbitrary. and i can't wake up each day and think that some diving being might get pissed off at me and strike me down because they feel like it. i do believe in karma, or at least a version of it. what you give will come back to you. if you are good to others in your thoughts, words, and actions, then you will recieve good things. however, the opposite also applies. and believing in a force of good and evil allows for those horrible things that happen to good people. it's all part of the balance. there is a balance in everything in life. day and night, good and bad, life and death... all the way down to the smallest things. at least ... that's my religious rant....